#you being done in the office now
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It could be real . . . @bamsara
#me emerging from under rock ive been under and immediately consumes all trod au content#and starts a cute little watercolor fanart of the dorks being dorks#hope you like#now back to my rock#definitely the most complicated fanart ive done for ya yet#hehhehehhehehheh the lamb and cat just go brrrr in my head and this happened officer i swear#trod au#narilamb#the rehabilitation of death#cult of the lamb#my art#watercolor#bamsara
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yall are about to piss me off by not having any PASSING basic knowledge of the way the u.s. military manipulates its recruits into joining by typing up one of your uninformed, unresearched, unempathetic, individualistic, unbelievably annoying posts about how 100% of the people in the military ended up there because they just Love America So Damn Much! they're extremely mature and informed at time of recruitment, they can totally leave anytime they want, they totally had tons of other avenues in life they could've taken, there was no rush at all to get income as fast as possible, and everyone in the military also totally is part of the combat divisions and personally enjoys being IN the military very much, big believers of violence. everyone in the military is shooting guns all day, that's how that works. they LOVE BLOODSHED. also I love the "amewicans haha" twang to this type of shit because you're actually TOTALLY stealing our Thing, which is turning systemic issues into Individual Issues. Instead of talking about the powers that be, it's so Personal Choice up in here. It's, "well you shouldn't have done it then. I totally wouldn't because I know better." you don't wanna talk about the military industrial complex as a whole, and you don't want to talk about recruiters, you just want to pin the blame on Specific Individual People one-by-one, as if they're responsible for the system that they're being ground up in. someone was in the military? bad person, no matter what. it's easier to believe that, I guess, than to acknowledge that Normal People (with high school educations) are manipulated and incentivized into joining a system that is Bad. at like age 18. but yeah no that 18 year old should have just been smarter lol haha anyway here are some screenshots for no particular reason
side note this reply of someone going "umm just get loans and go into a high paying field it's easy XD" as a direct response to someone trying to explain how most americans joining the military are being funneled in that direction out of a need for money.
and another person who Decided that americans join the military just CLENCHING their teeth thinking of other people, and not thinking completely selfishly about their own selves and their own income/housing/healthcare.
#I had a longer post w more bullshit in it but ukw nobody's even gonna read THIS one. so.#dumb ass cunts seriously LMAO just the individualism of it all....#we're all just selectively forgetting that most people join the military straight out of high school / after failing to kickstart#their lives so they don't know shit yet and they are categorically not educated and don't have money#you NEED money and have been groomed by recruiters ALREADY into believing this is#The Best and Only to make a survivable amount of money without a college education-- bc they can't afford college btw#and they don't want to take on student debt either bc everyone already knows what a big fuckeroo that is#recruiters WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET YOU TO JOIN. they will KEEP CALLING YOU. they'll answer your questions#to make it sound like this is going to be a GREAT life decision. you can get all KINDS of jobs (true)#they love to say the thing about how only about 15% of the military will actually see combat in any way#they love to list all the jobs where you will literally just be working at an office or a pharmacy or in tech etc etc etc#the recruiters are offering housing healthcare steady pay and BONUSES if you sign on for longer.#so you let your guard down because you were so scared of the actual fighting. BECAUSE YOU'RE 18 IN THIS SCENARIO BTW.#you cunts will not meet anyone who hates the military as much as people who are NOW DONE working in the military#you don't know enough when they get you and then either you stay placated by the benefits or you scramble away as fast as possible#the number one military haters are people who know what goes on bc they already did it#source: I LIVE NEXT TO A MILITARY BASE LMAO PEOPLE HATE IT HERE!! they are NORMAL PEOPLE#I need you to get it into your head that the people committing atrocities in war were NORMAL when they joined#and that for every person in the military who's actively shedding blood there's 20 who do PAPERWORK#and they both are being put in the same category by you!! and they are BOTH being controlled by the same system!!#sergle.txt#I hate yall I really do.
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Tuvok & Janeway being normal close friends pre-delta quadrant but becoming irreparably inseparable over the course of their time on Voyager is actually a very funny alternative to them having been besties. Before the horrors they were close but now in the delta quadrant all their neuroses are coming out and new, worse neuroses are being added every day. Janeway's trying to kill herself in increasingly spectacular bouts of heroic sacrifice and Tuvok's too busy proving that he knows her best/will always be by her side to effectively stop her. And for that? He's her best and dearest friend and can have the honor of being the only one to die by her side [which he willingly asks permission to do, btw] ♥
#Tuvok & Janeway [about each other]: You have been promoted!!! You are now my Best Friend In The Universe!!! You know me better than anyone!!#There's no one I trust more than you!!! <- In the tone of 'You have been promoted! You are now one of my elite employees!' /sinister#Tuvok/Janeway#<- Their toxic queerplatonic vibe. Enchanting.#st voy#st voyager#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#I need people to care about their strange and un-focused-on relationship as much as I do#Janeway: I'm gonna die with this ship#Tuvok: Can I die with you?#Janeway: Of course my dear dear friend <3#<- TWO OF THE THREE COMMANDING OFFICERS KILLED IN BESTIE BLUNDER#Janeway & Tuvok are 'once loyal enabler betrays friend by suggesting therapy'#only Tuvok would mention it once and if Janeway reacted negatively he'd never try again#<- a la Equinox#Tuvok: [suggestion]. / Janeway: No. / Tuvok: I've done all I can. The captain's orders are paramount.#and yes. Janeway being promoted to captain DOES have something to do with it.
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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What kind of work do you do for a living, and do you like it?
I process orders for a software company! There’s a lot more that goes into it, but that’s the gist. I do enjoy it, mostly because I work fully remotely so I can work in my pj’s all day lol. If I wasn’t working from home I think I probably would have quit by now, though.
It’s one of those jobs that isn’t really exciting or super fulfilling, but it gives me some money and flexible enough time to go do the things that leave me feeling more fulfilled. :) I do really miss other jobs I’ve done in the past bc they were more interesting, but none of those jobs paid the bills so I just hold them as fond memories now. ✌️
#If money wasn’t a consideration I’d probably go back to working at an aquarium#I was interviewing to join the animal husbandry team from an educator position which was a dream of mine but it only paid $12 an hour so no#I would NOT go back to working at a personal injury law firm#I WOULD go back to being staff at the group home but probably not night shift again#I’d probably work at walmart again but only as a shelf stocker. I didn’t like the deli much.#I would work at a 24 hour bakery again#I would be open to an auto parts shop again but it wouldn’t be my first choice#I would not work as a sonic carhop again#I can’t remember what other jobs i’ve done at the moment lol#But that’s the list that no one asked for#My current job ranks high bc i have a lot of freedom with it but if I was still working in the office I’d be long gone by now#Asks#anon ask#i’m excited we’re still playing the question game hehe#Thank you for the ask!!
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uggggggh i don’t wanna do woooork 😭 checking service notes is so boring why can’t these people just write the correct shit down like it’s really not that hard
#i dont even know how i’m to get this all done#i mean i guess i could do it at home but tbh i dont feel like i should since my salary is what it is#if i got paid hourly at 16 a hr then yeah i would#bc i’d clock in and get paid to do all this extra shit#from 9-4 i will do whatever you want#shit even if she made me work 9-5#that would be even better since i’d have an extra hour to work just in general id get more shit done#it probably wouldn’t even be that much of an issue if i haven’t been late all those times#bc ofc now my manager is pissed at me and wants me to get all this shit done#and then ima be out on the field tomorrow so that’s another day not in the office where i could be getting this shit done#but whatever i’ll stop being a little bitch about it#at least i have a job that pays well enough yaknow#i think i just want more moneyyyyy#ramblings#prsnl#me
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The meower
#Queued... technically March 23rd?#I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz#either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total#well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!#Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong#Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !!#Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic#atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK?#I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig#I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later#Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho#and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab#ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho#ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE??#augh soo many cool things.....#Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana?#ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too?#I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC??#I started it and got abt one page done on the plane#I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk#Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all?#I hope soooooooooooo#Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE??#i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^#Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U#queue drop#weather report#WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT
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Y’all understand that the purpose of voting uncommitted in the primary is another form of protest to get Biden to choose between a second term and ending military funding for the IDF right?
I keep seeing posts that are frustrated about this because they assume the people who are voting uncommitted are doing it because they hate Biden (and if that’s the case I get it tbh), but I need everyone to understand that there is an inherent strategy in this tactic. The Democratic Party is putting all of its money behind Biden and not putting any other candidates in the Primary, leaving Democratic voters with only one option - the same person who refuses to call for a Ceasefire and is continuing to fund a whole fucking genocide while we tirelessly protest, write/call in to our representatives, and post online to spread awareness. They’re not giving voters a choice electorally. So by voting “uncommitted” instead of simply voting for Biden (in HUGE numbers btw) they’re sending a clear message about where their priorities really lie.
The whole point of voting is to use your voice to tell your leaders what you want! Voters are the only thing standing between politicians and any power they wish to wield. By not voting for Biden in the Primary voters are able to hold him accountable and say “you’re not holding true to the duty of your office, the office we put you in and pay for, to represent us faithfully, so now you don’t get to keep that office.” It’s essentially telling Biden to wise the fuck up, because the ultimatum is genocide or no more power. He will lose the privilege of getting to lead if he doesn’t listen to the people he represents.
I get being scared about this. Protesting can be scary sometimes. Trump is a huge fucking threat to everything and everyone I love. He is a literal fascist who can’t be trusted to run a lawnmower let alone an entire country. But Biden and the Democratic Party are banking all their money on that fear being the sole motivator this November, so that they can continue with business as usual and not do their fucking jobs. They don’t want to listen to voters about calling for a Ceasefire because they want to continue taking money from AIPAC and other zionists, and because they don’t want further conflict between the US and anyone else. By voting uncommitted voters are sending the message that Biden is not doing his job (democratically representing the American people) and they are prepared to fire him for it.
#stop believing that this is just uninformed voters being stupid#there is a strategy behind this#also you should still vote for your local Dems for office!#the presidential election is not the end all be all of this election year!!#and with how the Supreme Court is looking you should all be way more invested in your local and state politics anyways because those are#the people who are actually going to protect you no matter who is President#okay now I’m done#not tagging this in any strategic way because I don’t want to attract people who will dox me lmao#but if you have US politics questions or wanna talk about this further get at me#personal shits
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When i said me and my old boss were in our divorce era when she entered retirement last year i MEANT IT
#‘retirement’ being the term we use when you are freed from our association#anyways I NEED HER TO GET A JOB. THIS IS. THIS IS EGREGIOUS#me shaking them. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT.#whatever!!! you treated us like shit sometimes last year!! but that was us!! whatever!!#I AM NOT LETTING YOU TREAT /MY/ STAFF THAT WAY#AHHHRHRHTHRJ PLEASE JUST GET A JOB#IDC THAT YOURE RICH GO PICK UP THE IN N OUT HAT#actually i DO care that youre rich bc its DEFINITELY WHY YOURE LIKE THIS#uuughgghhhgghgh i feel so bad for my staff bc none of them had seen me mad until this weekend and i wanted to keep it that way!!#BUT NO#WHY JS MY OLD BOSS LIKE THIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS#man my hos was like i think theyre feeling insecure abt their term- WELL THEN THEY DEF SHOULD T TALK TO ME#I WILL MAKE THEM FEEL WORSE ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <- doesnt care anymore#i am such a veteran of the idgaf war bc she ran this office how she wanted to run it#and i watched person after person i cared about and respected be completely and utterly done about it#BUT YOURE NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE#AND I WONT LET YOU DO THIS TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE UNDER ME NOW#AND I NEED YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! IT DIDNT HAVE TO REACH THE POINT#OF ME BEING ON THE BRINK OF TELLING YOU YOU /SHOULD/ FEEL BAD ABOUT YOUR TERM#bc at the end of the day they accomplished a lot of good important things#over $30 million dollars in funding is insane!! no way im getting that done this year#BUT YOU SCREWED US AS YOUR STAFF OVER R E P E A T E D L Y#AND NOW YOUVE SCREWED NOT ONLY ME BUT ALSO POSSIBLY EVERYONE AFTER ME OVER THINGS I REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU WERE BAD IDEAS#THAT WOULDNT WORK OUT!! THINGS I DID WORK ON TO MAKE SURE WERE DONE RIGHT THAT YOU DECIDED NEEDED TO BE DONE ANOTHER WAY#THAT WAS WRONG!!!!!!!! AND IGNORE THE WORK I AND YOUR STAFF PUT IN TO DO IT YOURSELF….. INCORRECTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND NOW HERE WE ARE!!! WHY ARE YOU SO INSISTENT ON BOTHERING ME ABOUT THIS!!! LEAVE IT ALONE!!! STOP TAINTING MEMORIES!!!!!#LET US REWRITE THEM AS JUST GOOD FOREVER OR WE’LL HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YEAH. YOU DID SUCK SOMETIMES LAST YEAR#WHICH I KNOW IS SOMETHING YOU JUST CANT HANDLE#AAHHWHRHRHRJTBTKTJDKTJDID IM SOOOOOOOOOOOO#v.txt
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If you're hot and bothered so much over talking extensively about your oral fixation—why not do something about it? I'm done in my office. I can make sure you barely know what's happening before the night is done 😌
—🖤🔪
Fuck, hello, yes please. Hello there, my heart-- that sounds incredible.
That sounds absolutely magnificent. Wreck me and ruin me-- you coming to the bedroom, or should I come to you? Or are we meeting somewhere in a hall in the middle and making it to neither until later?
Because I am more than happy for any of those scenarios-- really, you do such wonderful things to me.
#cordiae answers#my heart to hold#hi there my heart#fuck please i need this-- I walked right into a trap and now I'm all fucking hot#you being done in the office now? absolute miracle timing my love
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I hate when Chakotay is watered down to be Janeway's yes man because their disagreements are actually very interesting. [A lot of rambling analysis of this debate in particular below]
Chakotay in Parallax is very interesting in that he has to navigate a lot of different dynamics. Balance a lot of plates while being watched keenly by everyone around him. Immediately preceding this scene we see him ask B'Elanna for her opinion on the bridge - both as a chance to show her knowledge in his bid to make her chief engineer (because she wouldn't get a chance to otherwise as Janeway has clearly indicated that at this point she views B'Elanna as a troublemaker who won't be considered for the position) and because he just thinks she's a better engineer than Carey and wants the best possible chance of them succeeding. Janeway sees this as unacceptable. Carey is the chief engineer and so he should be called and Chakotay NOT asking for his opinion is an insult to Carey, Janeway, and might make the crew doubt Chakotay (and by extension the Maquis') loyalty to the Starfleet crew.
At this point it seems that to Janeway integration ["They're not your people"] means the path of least resistance, specifically tailored towards the Starfleet crew. She wants Chakotay by her side to keep the Maquis crew calm but also seems unwilling to consider them for important positions aboard the ship. Though she says that the Maquis are not Chakotay's people, not his crew, she certainly doesn't seem to consider them hers [Compare this to later instances where she stresses 'our' crew, here she simply says they aren't Chakotay's: Whose crew are they? Are they crew at all?]. This less leaves the impression of "We need to be a cohesive team" and more "You're not in charge here." She essentially accuses Chakotay of playing favorites. In her mind Chakotay's actions are not conducive to integrating the crews which would (again, in her mind) mean the Maquis being docile and accepting, obedient and content - not making trouble for the Starfleet crew. Chakotay counters Janeway's accusation with one of his own: That he IS trying to integrate them into the crew but her not allowing the Maquis any opportunity to prove themselves or succeed, not showing any trust in any of them (except, implicitly at this point, him) is making things difficult. At this point the Maquis crew are ready to mutiny on his word at any time. He knows this for a fact. Aside from that looming threat (the threat being that tensions are high and if nothing changes and they remain high there might be a mutiny even without his word) - Chakotay knows these people and trusts them. Though Starfleet and Janeway think of the Maquis as a violent bunch of criminal terrorists, Chakotay and a good number of the Maquis joined because they believed in the cause they were fighting for. These are people Chakotay knows WILL fight fiercely for what they believe in and conversely, AGAINST what they perceive as injustice. Even if they're not in the majority - they're used to picking fights which seem impossible to win. At this point Janeway admits that she ISN'T making it easy for Chakotay to integrate the Maquis - specifically talking about practical concerns; how she doesn't feel she can let Maquis crew have roles of importance on the ship because they lack the ability to hold them. "They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training," - asserting that they just aren't prepared for any such roles and it doesn't have to do with them being Maquis specifically. Ostensibly, she's treating them as she might treat anyone unqualified for the job.
Chakotay maintains that some of them, like B'Elanna, have the ability to be trained - challenging her point by saying that IF they're trained there's no reason for any Maquis member NOT to be given a more prominent role on the ship. He isn't suggesting they just unqualified people important jobs. If the problem is that they aren't trained, let's train them. These people have the ability to succeed if you give them the tools they need and a fair chance, he insists. Janeway then switches gears and her argument becomes not "The Maquis are untrained so they can't be given those jobs" but "The Maquis crew are unworthy of those jobs when compared to Starfleet personnel" saying that it'll cause insult and upset among the Starfleet crew if any member of the Maquis were to be promoted above them. Again, her idea of integration is based more on Maquis subservience to the Starfleet crew than it is the two crews working together. (Not that I believe she looks at it that way, it's just where her 'path of least resistance' leads) - though she accuses Chakotay of being too focused on "his" crew, she is admitting here that she believes her real crew are the Starfleet officers aboard, not the Maquis. She also admits here that the system she wishes to maintain (and is asking Chakotay to enforce) is one where there will ostensibly never be any chance of a Maquis crew member being promoted because no Maquis crew member will ever be more qualified, more worthy, than a member of Starfleet. We can see how it'd be difficult for Chakotay to convince his crew to remain calm under these circumstances. There's also Tuvok's behavior toward him at the beginning of the episode where the Vulcan nearly goes over Chakotay's head and when he doesn't do so (as Chakotay reminds him that HE'S the superior officer, the First Officer in fact,) Tuvok acts as if him backing down (partially) and conceding (partially) to Chakotay's authority is a favor to Chakotay.
Tuvok in this conversation is downright insubordinate to Chakotay. Despite Chakotay being the first officer, he doesn't take what he says seriously, argues that his own opinion on what should be done should be followed rather than Chakotay's, lectures the first officer about his conduct, and then almost seems to threaten him with a report. In Starfleet's rigidly hierarchical rules, acting like this to a superior officer (ESPECIALLY the first officer) wouldn't be tolerated and Tuvok knows this perfectly well. He isn't a rebellious character and clearly in other episodes adheres to these Starfleet hierarchies and codes of conduct very strictly. He values them highly. But Chakotay, a Maquis, shouldn't be First Officer. Why should he be given respect for a title he didn't earn? [Affirming Janeway's argument about how Starfleet officers won't be eager to follow a Maquis senior officer] Even though Chakotay tells Tuvok off for it ["I don't have to explain myself to you"] he doesn't threaten to put Tuvok on report or explicitly mention his insubordination. It's unclear if this is Chakotay's personality or if he just doesn't feel he CAN do that. Tuvok is one of the three most senior officers aboard and very close to Janeway. Chakotay has to think of the optics of any situation at all times - we see seconds after this conversation that rumors have already started swirling around B'Elanna being relegated to quarters that've fanned the flames of mutiny. Though we know Tuvok has personal reasons for behaving the way he does toward Chakotay (which he later admits), I really don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for this to be how most Starfleet personnel would treat the Maquis if they weren't outright hostile: Like they're only pretend crewmen. To a lesser extent we even see this with Janeway: In the following staff meeting, she clearly doesn't consider B'Elanna a viable option when Chakotay brings her up and almost ignores the suggestion entirely.
It also, again, leaves Chakotay in an impossible position. If he doesn't protect and fight for the Maquis crew, they won't ever be considered a true part of the crew and dissatisfaction will likely spread among them. Dissatisfaction which the Starfleet crew will then use to further label the Maquis as insubordinate, uncontrollable, unfit. Not to mention that if he doesn't advocate for them, he might lose their trust. However, if he DOES try to help the Maquis crew advance the Starfleet crew will view this as 'favoritism' and will further distrust him, won't respect the people he puts forth as worthy. Janeway seems to be intent on not advocating for any of the Maquis crew and also seems unwilling to ask that the Starfleet crew grant leniency. She implies that the Maquis crew need to learn to get in line and keep quiet and it seems almost like [we must remember the optics] she has Chakotay as the only Maquis in a position of power to facilitate that. Chakotay recognizes and pushes against that, saying that he won't just be her token Maquis - there only so she can point to him and say "See? We don't discriminate against the Maquis here." effectively a tool used to shut down any arguments of unfair treatment and a tool to quell the Maquis if any talk of mutiny DOES arise. In this model, Janeway can just tell Chakotay to calm them down and they'll listen because they trust him. She also doesn't have to really listen to anything he says: A token First Officer has no authority; his words don't hold weight. [Chakotay isn't Maquis anymore, they aren't his crew anymore - ok. What is he then? What are they? Nothing, without respect.] This plan seems untenable, as much as Janeway frames it as sensible: "I can't make it easy, Commander. Surely you can understand that," and alternatives as impossible "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" - in the long run, how would this be sustainable? In any power structure, you cannot expect a group of people you're unwilling to grant trust or agency to obediently follow you forever. This proposed form of 'integration' in which the Maquis are kept on the bottom rung and told intermittently to stay there quietly by the only one of them granted permission to stand at the top would never be sustainable - especially with a group like the Maquis who again, were founded on the belief that its members should fight against inequity and are already on the verge of mutiny.
I specifically find the statement "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" to be interesting because personally I'd say that being forced together for the rest of almost everyone's natural life is a pretty good reason to ask people to adapt and Janeway does understand this but only applies it to the Maquis - the Maquis are the ones who have to adapt, not Starfleet. The only thing the Starfleet crew have to do is tolerate their presence on board.
At this point Janeway again claims that if Chakotay can show her a 'qualified' Maquis candidate she'll consider them. I believe this is true but we already know that Janeway's standards for qualification will likely not fit the vast majority of the Maquis and Chakotay ignores the claim in favor of putting forth B'Elanna again, firmly. Janeway predictably dismisses her as unqualified and Chakotay disagrees, arguing that he knows her. He's worked with her. He KNOWS that B'Elanna can excel at the job even if she doesn't meet Starfleet/Janeway's qualifications. He doesn't value those qualifications over what he's observed about her - just as he didn't value Carey's title over what he knew about the gap between his and B'Elanna's abilities. Then, Chakotay switches gears. He admits that Janeway's right - he does view the Maquis as his crew but that's because Janeway (almost self admittingly) doesn't and if he doesn't, who will they have? [What kind of captain, kind of man, would he be?] "You're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty." "Theirs or yours, Commander?" Janeway frames Chakotay's words pointing out the flaws in this plan which I outlined earlier, as almost a threat (if she doesn't have Chakotay's loyalty it'll most definitely mean mutiny). Chakotay asserts that it wasn't a threat, he's only trying to help by telling her how the Maquis crew will react to what she's telling him. "I'm sorry you can't see that" - not an apology for what he said but that she isn't willing to budge, not willing to listen to him and acknowledge that she might be as biased towards her crew as he is towards his. Chakotay is trying his best to acclimate his crew but if Janeway isn't willing to do the same, to talk to her people as he's talking to his, then this will not end well and that isn't a threat. It's just the reality of the situation. He then asks permission to leave, showing he is willing to observe Starfleet protocol (just as when he asked permission to speak freely), and Janeway lets him go, exhaling at the intensity of their debate when alone in her ready room.
#J/C is not interesting to me when they're strifelessly playing house or Chakotay is her lovesick yesman who'll do whatever she says#Kathryn Janeway#Chakotay#I really wish they'd kept up this kind of tension between the crews and used Tuvok/Janeway/Tuvok as like a microcosm of that tension#it'd be so good!!#Tuvok#<- he's there too#chara analysis#star trek voyager#st voy#Is this the only episode they call the ship 'The Voyager' ??#Also hearing Harry call Tom 'Mr Paris' is funny - early seasons voyager you have my heart early seasons voy supremacy#ANYWAY - that's beside the point#I do like how the maquis v starfleet tension is handled in this episode#I love how we see everyone start working together and relationships begin to form#How once B'Elanna shows her stuff Janeway is almost immediately intrigued and excited & how B'Elanna feeds off that excitement#The Doctor: -annoyed annoyed complaining complaining snarky comment- ugh I can't believe I have to help with something STUPID#Kes: You're very sensitive aren't you~? /gen /pos#The Doctor: ???? um ..... haha. idk. anyway I'm glad I could help :)#'how can we be seeing a reflection of something that we hadn't even done yet?' Voyager I love you MWAH#Tom Janeway B'Elanna: -temporal mechanics- / Harry: .... so how do we get out???#SUUCKS that in later seasons B'Elanna & Chakotay's relationship isn't focused on anymore but I mean. Every poc is pushed aside in later#seasons. But here you can see how much Chakotay believes in her and wants her to succeed!!! No wonder she likes him so much#He was probably one of the first people to really believe in her and SHOW IT and now Janeway's doing the same thing <3#My above post may paint Janeway somewhat negatively but it's only in the 'character flaws and being wrong about things means you have#a chance to grow' way - as soon as B'Elanna shows her potential Janeway wants to encourage it#God B'Elanna's so pretty#I forgot Seska was on the bridge!#'many of your teachers thought you had the potential to be an outstanding officer' SOMEONE SHOULD HAVETOLD HEEEER!!!!!!!!#WHY DID NO ONE TELL HEEER!!!!!
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i keep having to like fight for my life at the pharmacy to get prescriptions filled and I had a call with my T doctor that was supposed to be a few weeks follow up about switching to T gel, but I haven’t yet gotten the fucking gel because insurance sent it back for prior authorization and this guy is too fucking overbooked to remember to do that and/or this hospital just fucking sucks at communicating between doctors and the pharmacy.
so we had our call to check in and im desperately just like can you do the prior authorization so I can actually start this med like fucking PLEASE I’m so tired!! and he responded “are you okay you sound pretty distressed” and I was clenching my fists to try and respond cause YES. I AM DISTRESSED. I keep having to call and fight for every medicine I need to function as a basic human being and be the person I want to be! I’m so dysphoric right now I want to die but my hands shake like a fucking vibrator every time I try and stab myself so I need to switch my method of T to something not a needle! and I’m constantly fighting for my life to get my adhd meds filled and not to be a meth-head but i legit don’t know how I functioned for 27 fucking years and made it through GRAD SCHOOL without meds cause my brain is so much clearer and I function so much better when I can actually get my thoughts in order and focus for real.
so yeah!! I’m in distress!!! I want my brain to work and I want my body to look and function how I need it to!! and this doctor’s blasé attitude to not being able to get my prescriptions filled is going to be the death of me!!!
#shhh sharkie#LIKE SPECIFICALLY THAT ITS THE PRESCRIPTION IS WAITING ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!#YEAH IM IN DISTRESS CAUSE IVE BEEN CALLING YOUR OFFICE AND THE PHARMACY FOR TWO WEEKS NOW#AND ITS FULLY DEPENDENT ON YOU MY GUY#FILL OUT THE FORMS SO FUCKING HELP ME GOD JESUS FUCKING CHRIST#YEAH IM IN DISTRESS. I JUST WANT MY BRAIN TO WORK AND MY BODY TO COOPOERATE WITH WHAT I WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE#i just. also being on T is a legit mood stabilizer for me.#and I know part of being off it is my own fault cause i do technically have all the prescription! I just can’t with needles right now.#and weekly is hard for me to remember. daily is easy. i take plenty of other daily meds.#I think I do need to switch to a different doctor in this practice cause this is what happens every single fucking time#is he gives me a prescription and then I have to message him way later on cause it never fucking filled cause he forgot to do something#actually will maybe check the patient portal and see if i can request someone else lmao. but like really. yeah this sucks i want to be done.
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hands and knees begging myself to be responsible tonight bc i have so much to do but i can feel in my heart irresponsible brain is going to win and im gonna end up drawing and making myself more behind and stressed but like i spent 8 hours researching and writing art history texts at my internship do i fucking want to research for my history class tonight even tho i should so i can let the professor know if my topic is viable? no i want to draw. and like even research aside i need to do dishes and laundry and pack
#which frustratingly the relevant articles are from a journal our school doesn't subscribe to and like i could just ask her to change my topi#but like if i wait until after thanksgiving that is pushing it too close UGH#i hate school#i hate how busy i am right now ugh i was on the phone with my dad and he was like you sound really unhappy and i was like well thing is i#am and like i just have to slog through the rest of this semester but it is a hard slog#call my schedule oatmeal the way its fucking GRUELING#they werent lying that 25hrs a week internship but 1hr walking there and back 5 days a week (so 30 hours time) is a fucking LOT on top of#classes and teaching like im physically sore im tired and burnt out im behind on grading#i love the work im doing at the internship and i love teaching it is just challenging to balance both#and like i knew grad school would be hard and I knew this semester would be hard and i can get through it and i will get through it#i dont even like complaining about it bc like i signed up for this knowingly and i knew what i was committing to and the internship is so s#so helpful for me career wise and i really enjoy it and like my classes are also important career wise#im just constantly treading water but im drowning a little#every like mental health problem i have is being exacerbated#i feel like i have two parts of my brain like rational logical brain that knows what i need to do to get the tasks done and then wild#impulsive fun brain that just wants to goof off and that part of my brain has the steering wheel most of the time and i have to wrestle it#away to get work done anytime im not like in an office#which like yes that is a metaphorical way to describe executive dysfunction but i have not had time to try to get any diagnoses even tho#we've been suspicious for 6 years now
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This fucking dude: well [my name] says she has some background in writing in a certain voice and I don’t disbelieve her but I haven’t seen it
Me: my last job was literally purely writing In Voice for a huge-ass org with global publication but Ok.
#ohhh man#my sister and I were talking abt him last night#bc he’s just#such a fucking egoistic dick#and like TO BE CLEAR#the brand writing I’ve already done (very quickly) for this initiative#had the ceo like ‘’I have chills. I’m in love with this. I can’t stop thinking about it.’’#so YEAH DUDE I THINK I CAN WRITE SOME FUCKING COPY#personal#oh man. I try not to have too much ego at work but like fuck#I was so close to being like ‘’I can send you my resume mike :)’’#Jfc#this is up there with the consultant who was like#‘’well :) things are A Bit More formal than your nonprofit background :))’’#and I was like: flashbacks to liaising directly with UN/world bank/govt senior officials#LIKE BRO IVE PRESENTED TO THE OFFICE OF THE US TRADE REPRESENTATIVE#IM NOT ACTUALLY A HILLBILLY AT WORK#(I am a hillbilly at heart and home but like. I know how to put on a suit)#I’m so#this shouldn’t bother me this much but I’m rlly riled up now orz
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Working from home is very nice because I can wake up at 7am and clock in at 7am instead of 8:30
#m rambles#I genuinely expected to kind of hate wfh based on how my brain works#and I do hate certain aspects right now#(mainly because my job is to read documentation rn and I cannot focus well on that)#but it’s also nice to be able to wake up and just clock in immediately#so that I can be done for the day by 3#also being able to do laundry or dishes while I work is >>>>#and wearing sweatpants instead of business casual is excellent#but I do like going into the office for the concentration and community aspect#the people I work with are super nice so far#and all giant nerds lmao#different kinds of nerds than I am but ya know what?#it’s still a good starting point#I may not be into MTG or MLP or any of the video games my coworker talks about#and I may not be a mega math nerd who reads topology research papers for fun or listens to the weirdest musical combinations you’ve ever hea#*heard#but I am familiar with the kind of brain worms that causes you to be that invested in something so we’re on the same footing here#all this to say that I’m liking my job so far#which is good because I’m so far away from home now that I think I’d spiral if I didn’t
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